Properly Beating One’s Wife

Image from Creeping Sharia

A friend posted this on the Facebook wall. It’s an Imam giving instructions on how to properly beat your wife. My comment on the post was, “If I find my husband reading or listening to something like that, he had better hope they included a chapter on How to Outrun Your Wife” because the fight would be “ON.”

There’s a reason that deeply religious Muslims don’t marry Irish women; we don’t lie down and roll over. You hit us, and you have the fight of your life on your hands. In my particular case, with the instant menopause brought on by surgical removal of my femaleness, its best, most days, not to even look at me. My husband, to his credit, was raised Pentecostal, saving him the pain and embarrassment of ever thinking of “wife beating” as a marital disciplinary-action. In other words, he hasn’t met my fry pan, because good sense and religious raising spared him a hefty whop over the head.

The first Mr. Me wasn’t quite so bright and when I got fed up, he ended up between a desk, the corner of the wall, and sitting over a trash can. It was the last time he thought about hitting or knocking me around. He and I parted ways when word of all the women keeping him happy, got back to me. There’s another big “no-no” with me. I’m just stubborn enough to believe that if some other woman is keeping you happy, she might as well be doing your laundry and taking care of the rest of your needs.

Of course, that’s not to say I don’t ever have bruises, in fact, bruises have become a portion of my body’s make up. I’m exceedingly clumsy, therefore, I don’t need a man beating on me, I can even do that myself. There was a case, on television, that my husband and I had been watching and listening to that included accusations of spousal abuse; one of the woman’s children said she was abused, while the other said she was clumsy. I turned to my husband and said, “You know, my kids would testify that you didn’t beat me either, because they know I’m clumsy.”

They ended up convicting the woman of murdering her husband because there was no proof, other than the one child, that showed any history of abuse by the dead man. Personally, I think when two people can no longer get along, don’t love each other, or have found another person they think will make them happy, then they should simply divorce. No need for violence, just walk away with your body, soul, and pride intact.

As to disciplinary actions when a spouse has become errant, check to make sure all fry pans, sharp knives, and those handy little six shooters can be accounted for, before deciding that a beating is in order. The option to not being sure could be your name in the headlines of tomorrow’s paper, accompanied by a nice obituary in the back-pages of the daily news.