You Called Today

You called today and I knew you were upset. I’ve known since the day you were born when you were upset, when you were happy, and when you were angry. It’s hard for me to hear the different moods you go through. It’s hard for me to know that your moods swing like a pendulum and the hardest part, is not knowing what to do or how to help you.

Your voice wasn’t trembling and yet, you were hurting. Your words were not angry but they spoke volumes of the faith that has been betrayed in your hopes and dreams for a future. You call and all I can do is cry, and wish that there was a way to take you back to the day when it all started. You call and I become a basket case of emotions that runs the full scope of human feeling. You call and I’m reminded that there are some things that mothers cannot do.

Your life is a mess that I cannot fathom. Each day, you live through one more of the nightmares brought on by one-part your doing, and one-part that was so unfair and so evil that even the devil would wrestle with the reality of it. The days of your life must seem like a living Hell and your nights are very likely, worse. You have to live your life alone when all you wanted was to be loved. It’s almost as though you are a stranger in this world.

You called today and my heart broke again, because I can do nothing but hope. Hope that you find your way through the darkness and into the light. Hope and pray that some justice is served out to the demon that started this mess. Hope and pray that you will be loved, by a good love, by a good woman, some day. Each night, I pray for your safety and the light that leads you back to us, and each time you call, I ask God again for the things that will make you whole.

There is no hurt, like the hurt, that I feel when I hear your voice and know that the days are wearing on you and that you want to come home. There’s no magic pain killer to salve the pain that you go through, daily, and your pain rests in my heart. I love you son. I hope and I pray for you so-often that I fear God will tire of hearing me ask for the one thing that will make your life right again.

Yes, you called today, and again I’m crying for you and your situation and safety. I wonder if the demon that caused this mess, ever prays?